Okay, so there I was. In my marriage. Miserable. Suicidal. And now spending a lot of time online with a man who spent HIS time making me laugh, telling me I am smart, and funny and wonderful.
And I crawled out of the hole I had been burying myself in for all those years. And day by day, I grew stronger. And day by day I found MYSELF again.
I started smiling.
I started laughing.
I started wanting to get up in the mornings.
And my husband didn't mind.
In fact, he encouraged it.
In fact, he is the reason HE and I took our relationship from the computer to the phone.
That was something I NEVER would have done on my own, and something HE had not asked for.
One day, a few weeks into our renewed online friendship, I was sitting there chit-chatting with HIM. We were just killing time, talking about everything, about nothing. My husband came up behind me, and scared me. (That was one of his favorite things to do, to jump out at me from dark corners, sneak up behind me and scream to make me jump, to watch the blood drain from my face in fear, and he would laugh...)
After he stopped laughing at the tears standing in my eyes from him making me jump in fear of him, he told me to get off the computer. He wanted to check his email.
I said NO.
I told him that I was talking to HIM.
And I said that I wasn't going to get off just because he had finally decided to crawl from bed and expected the world to cater to his desires. I was really pushing my limits with him, but the tears still in my eyes made me ANGRY.
Instead of getting mad at me, what he said was, "have HIM call you, or you call HIM."
I was shocked.
I thought he was joking.
He said he didn't care if we talked, but that we were using the computer too much, and that he was GOING TO take the computer for the day, so "Call HIM."
I told HIM what he said. HE was skeptical too.
But HE called. As soon as I answered the phone HE asked to speak with my husband.
They chatted for a few minutes, (remember, we ALL were chat friends originally) and HE asked my husband if he was sure he was okay with us talking on the phone. My husband's response was "The more you talk to the bitch, the less I have to."
That decided it for HIM. HE said to my husband, "Okay brother, let me talk to her then."
And my husband handed me the phone, and I went to my room, and shut the door, and spent the next hour talking to HIM, letting the sound of HIS voice fill me, hearing HIM smile, feeling HIS laugh tickle me as the speaker vibrated in my ear from the tones of HIS voice.
And that was the day our friendship started to change a little bit, for ME. HE didn't do or say anything HE shouldn't have. Made no romantic gestures, HE was who HE always was. Kind. Funny. Smart. Interested in me and what I had to say. But, there was something that happened in my tummy whenever HE said my name. There was a tingle I felt inside my chest when I heard HIS laugh.
And I didn't say a word about feeling like that, not to HIM, not to ANYONE.
I will write more later, for now.. That's all, Bye.