Okay, so HE came to spend the night on Thursday. It was a horrible night. Not because of HIM, but because of my kids. They were simply pushing every button I possess.
My youngest was loud and whiny. My middle child refused to listen, choosing to ignore me telling her time and again to go to bed. And my oldest went to run an errand and decided to stay gone for over 3 hours for something that should have taken 30 minutes. I was ready to pull my hair out, and started crying.
HE was wonderful as usual. Stepping back and letting me handle things in my own way, only saying anything when HE felt that my kids were out of line and speaking to me disrespectfully. HE is not their father, and so HE tries very hard to not "parent" my children. But, occasionally, the fact that HE is the "male head of our family" is more obvious than at other times, and my son speaking disrespectfully to me is one of those times. HE does not hesitate to speak up then. And I appreciate it. BUT, and here is a big BUT... I am not sure that I have done the right thing in allowing HE and my children to form such a bond.
My children love HIM, and HE loves them. They give and receive hugs and kisses when HE walks in the door before I do. They all say goodnight with a hug and an "I love you".
As we sat eating dinner together that night, one of my children was singing at the table. I asked her to stop, she did not. HE said to her, "We are trying to have a nice family dinner. Singing at the table makes it hard for OUR family to be able to talk to each other, and we want to hear about what is going on in everyone's lives, not listen to your singing."
I was floored.
It scares me.
It scares me because HE and they are so damned attached to each other. And I have no clue where this relationship is heading.
My 11 year old daughter even once hinted to HIM that she would like it if HE would walk her down the aisle at her wedding. Granted, something like that is so far in the future that I shouldn't even give it a second thought right now, but, it makes me fear for what consequences my relationship with HIM will have on my children when I am no longer in this relationship.
HE has been more of a "father" to them than their own father was in all the years we were together as a family. HE plays with them. HE talks with them. HE listens to them. HE provides for them, as much as I will allow HIM to. (We woke up extra early Friday morning because my youngest seems to have no matching socks left, and so we ran to the store at 5:30 in the morning so HE could buy her some socks before school.) HE loves them. They love HIM.
And I am scared.
That's all for now. Goodbye.